i have recently asked, and been granted, a release from my normal tasks for my vanilla world has been in turmoil. i have had a sadness overcome my life and i need some time to recover. i know i will be fine, and i find strength in knowing that! i will return to normal activity and tasks after the fourth of July.

One thing i have noticed during all this is that i find strength in my submissive side. i know it isn't weak for me to cry. i know it isn't weak for me to need help and i now have the strength to let myself cry openly. i know i am not weak for needing to have a break from normal routine.

When iasked for a break from my tasks i initially thought it would be bad to step away from my submission. i thought i would loose sight of the one thing that would help me the most during all this. i then realized i am not asking from a break from my submissive self.....just my tasks. Just because it coincides with my submission does not mean it encompasses my whole submission. The reason i bring this up is because i have been trying to find a balance in my life.....trying to balance my submissive world and my vanilla world. i realized here that i am doing that better than i realize. i am applying my submissive side to my everyday life. the tasks don't make me submissive......they help me delve deeper into that side of myself. They aren't what encompass my submission. Seems like a silly thing not to realize, but in a long distance relationship your tasks are what you hold onto....BUT that isn't everything my submission is about. It goes deeper than a task.

All this "enlightenment" helps me to better appreciate Cloud. Without Him i wouldn't be able to see or understand all this. He has helped me be bale to bring my submission to life and find a balance. Thank You Cloud!!!!